Stupid Boys

I'm not much of one to really let things bother me. Most of the time I take things in stride or I get over them pretty quickly. I am feeling a bit differently since last night.

You know, I'm guessing most people have (or at one time had) someone in their life that is a friend where the line between friendship and something more was blurry. This has happened to me a couple times in the past. I'm still friends with the majority of these individuals because, unless they really meant to hurt me, I can see that line not always being clear. As long as discussions have been had and the true nature of the relationship (just friends) is clear, I don't see a problem with being friends afterward.

Of course, that is until last night when I was talking to one of these "friends" online. I decided I was finished with the internet and needed to go to bed so I said goodnight to him. He said, "Thanks for the pizza". At the time, I had no idea what the heck he was talking about. So I asked him what he was talking about and he said that he just had a random memory. I left it at that and hit the shower. While I was in the shower I was trying to remember what memory he could possibly be talking about. All of the sudden, I remembered it. It was from the weekend where he blurred that line. He was out of the country for a year shortly after that, and we used to talk all the time. He'd send me emails along the lines of "Do you remember.." and, "that was a good memory". This was before I found out we were pursuing this on different levels.

So, now I'm angry. Because something that used to make me think, "oh, that was special" now makes me think, "oh, remember that time when you made me think you liked me when you really didn't? wasn't that fun?" I just think that's a shitty thing to bring up. Sure, I said I still wanted to be friends after what happened, but I didn't sign up to have my nose rubbed in it again. Those memories are what they are. At the time I thought they were important-now I know they aren't. They are just a part of my past, and I'd prefer to leave them there.

Now, this was still irking me this morning as I headed in to work. Once I got there, I was pushed over the edge of anger.

I work in a cube farm with five other guys. Three of those guys have not matured past the age of 12. That's almost acceptable for the two who are still in their 20's. I hope you know what I mean-its like they still think that they need to pull a girl's hair to tell her they like her. I've been hanging out with guys for most of my life, and I know the rules. Practical jokes are supposed to be a sign of acceptance. That would be cool if everyone had pranks pulled on them. Since I have been in this office, any practical joke that has been pulled (not including my retaliations) has been pulled on me.

I walk in to my office, and there was no way to get into my cube without scaling the wall. One of the guys had taken extra panels off of every desk in the office and added them to mine until it was completely walled in. He also used my tools to do it, and left my toolbox open inside my cube with the allen wrench I needed neatly displayed on top, so when I peeked over the 5ft wall I could see it. I was livid. They had messed with all the decorations I had on my cube and gotten into my toolbox to do it. So in an angry fit I stormed out of the room and went down to my old office to cool off. My coworker lent me his allen wrenches and chatted with me to calm me down. When I went back to my office, I disassembled the new wall and left the extra panels in the middle of the floor. I did, however, remove the connecting apparatus (a large rod with fasteners on each end) and hide them in another location in the building. Now they all have their panels back, but can not put them back on the desks. I helped the two people in the office who were innocent bystanders with the reassembly of their desks. I had someone who came in tell me that I shouldn't be the one helping to put those desks back together. Unfortunately, though, that was my only choice.

It doesn't matter how I feel, I have to react a certain way and say I feel a certain way for this to work out okay. I can't be angry about it because then I'm just an uppity b*tch who can't take a joke. That will also cancel my "one of the guys" status. At least I'm only going to be work here for 7 more weeks. Now I also have to figure out a prank to play on the culprit or it will look like I'm pouting, once again becoming an uppity b*tch. Of course, playing a prank in return only asks for yet another prank to be played on me.

Sometimes I feel like I've got a f-in' target tattooed on my forehead.