I have been away from this website for too long. I guess I have always used it as a place to get things off my chest or empty out all the crazy thoughts running through my head. I really haven't had much of anything to be upset about for quite awhile, and now I've got someone to listen to all my crazy thoughts in person (whether he wants to or not! LOL).
I wanted to write this post because six months from now, I will definitely be living away from home and possibly in a different state. It'll be my first real time living on my own. I mean, when I went off to college I was less than 20mi from home. After I moved off campus I lived with a girl I've known since moving to Ohio who is practically a sister to me. Then I moved back in with the 'rents. The places I'm looking to move (for my PhD) all have people that I know living in them, so I wouldn't be completely alone. But my parents and my boyfriend will no longer be a half-hour drive away, and that's a little scary. Knowing that he worries about me leaving makes it all just a little harder to handle. The good news is that I know he will be there for me when I need him, and he will be the constant in my life. Being a Taurus, I'm not really that big on change. So having that one amazing thing in my life that stays the same will make this step so much better.
We had a conversation recently about me leaving for school. Now that I've made a trip to visit a campus, it all has become real. I hate that it has to be looked at as leaving, because I don't feel like that's what I'm doing. Sure, I'll be 250+ miles away for 3-4 years, but when all is said and done, I want to come home to you and everyone else I love. If I don't make this excursion to school, I won't have proven to myself that I can go off and live on my own and get a degree that most wouldn't dream of. I don't really want to be off on my own, but I need to know that I had the choice and that I choose to be here. Sometimes we have dreams that are out of reach. This dream is within arms length. I could never forgive myself for not chasing this dream down and making it my own. I want to be all that I can be when I come home to you. I need to know that I've made something of myself.
As I see it, its not about leaving, its about being able to bring home the new and improved me, and in the end I think that will benefit everyone involved.
P.S. In case you didn't hear, I finished my masters degree in December.
In your arms I can still feel the way you want me when you hold me
I can still hear the words you whispered when you told me
I can stay right here forever in your arms
And there ain't no way--I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way--and there ain't not how
I'll never see that day....
'Cause I'm keeping you forever and for always
We will be together all of our days
Wanna wake up every morning to your sweet face--always
In your heart--I can still hear a beat for every time you kiss me
And when we're apart, I know how much you miss me
I can feel your love for me in your heart
And there ain't no way--I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't now way--and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....
In your eyes--I can still see the look of the one who really loves me
The one who wouldn't put anything else in the world above me
I can still see love for me in your eyes
-Shania Twain
"Forever and For Always"
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