Regrets

We all have regrets. Anyone who says they have no regrets in life is lying. Granted, some people do a much better job of living life to a fuller extent than others. Lately I've been regretting a lot. I've basically sat back and left my life in the hands of others...people may not realize that because from the outside my accomplishments are pretty impressive. For all that I've done, I can't claim much of it for myself. There's always been someone who believed in me putting in a good word for me or giving me a little shove in the right direction.

I think this is part of why I have been unsuccessful in dating. I've been sitting back waiting for someone else to set something up for me. I don't fight for what I want and I don't tell people how I feel-that's gotta stop. I need to be more "balls to the wall" about life. No one is going to set me up on the perfect blind date, no one is going to introduce me to their great friend that they think would be perfect for me. I've had too much of that kind of luck in my school/business life to get it in my personal life as well.

Now that I'm in the application process for my PhD, I'm starting to realize just how much of my life I should be controlling as far as my future in education/career is concerned. Its encouraging me to think that way about the rest of my life. No more of these ambiguous relationships. No more caring about someone and avoiding telling them. No more being afraid of losing something I may not even have in the first place. No more.

I'm a funny, pretty, successful, easy-going woman...and I'd be a damned fine catch. I know not everyone is going to be the perfect match-and I know that a lot of people who are good people are not going to be a good match for me. But I'll never know if I never try.

If you have done anything for me, its helping me realize I deserve better than this...