The Fog

So, this morning I walk out of my house into some of the heaviest fog I've seen in years. You couldn't see objects much more than 50ft away and tail lights much more than 100ft away. Listening to the traffic report, as of 8am there were no wrecks or slowdowns caused by the fog. It rains a little, and people are wrecking all over the place, but fog doesn't slow anyone down. I don't get it.

Yesterday I had several conversations with various guy friends about dating, and why I've got such bad luck with it. This has been an ongoing train of thought pretty much since mid-June for me. I mean, think about it. Here I am, smart, funny, a little adventurous, pretty, and real. I'm not into make-up, and I'm not pushy. I'm a little athletic and I love the outdoors.

All I'd really like to find is someone whose arms I fit perfectly into when curling up on the couch. Someone who when he looks at me, he can't help but smile. Someone who can make me laugh. Someone who isn't completely intimidated by me (he can be just a little intimidated by me).

I'm not looking for some fantasy from a storybook. Just someone loving to come home to.

But then I think about the fact that a year from now when I (cross your fingers here) start my PhD somewhere, do I really want to have found someone back home when I could be who-the-heck-knows where? Is it really even fair for me to look right now? After the last one I had I'd say I'm not a huge fan of long-distance relationships.

And therein (I believe) lies the root of my dating problems. Even though I'm looking for someone, subconsciously I don't think I'll let myself find someone. I seem to settle for less than good enough so that hopefully things will get messed up. Or maybe I just have a knack for picking out the pricks in a crowd. Of course, if the ratio is 19pricks to 1decent guy, well, maybe I'm not doing so bad after all.

I'm also pretty bad at falling for people that I could never really have. You know, guys I meet at conferences who live halfway across the country from me, guys who will never settle for life in one city, or with one girl, for too long. Guys who are single in title, but have never really let go of that one great relationship they had.

This is the part where I pull my random comment at the beginning of this passage together with the rest of it. Fog=dating
Rain=all the other stuff in my life-school, extra curriculars, ASME, etc.

I have no trouble driving through the rain, but I find the fog daunting. With rain, sure, it can be noisy and slick and make you a little sleepy. But fog, it can be really scary; there's something so indefinite and unknown about it.

Why is it that almost everyone else sees these two things the other way?

I guess the good news is I made it in to work this morning unscathed...maybe I can take a little cue from that.