Stand Still, Look Pretty

I want to paint my face and pretend that I am someone else
Sometimes I get so fed up I don't even want to look at myself
But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I hate the way you look at me I have to say
I wish I could start over

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
And you might think its easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

Sometimes I find myself shaking in the middle of the night
And then it hits me and I can't even believe this is my life
But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I wish that everyone would go and shut their mouth
I'm not strong enough to deal with it

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
And you might think its easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
And you might think its easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

-The Wreckers

Juvenile Sense of Humor

Background: At lunch today, a co-worker, DW, was talking about how Fox accidentally broadcast a naked football player in the Vikings locker room after their game the other day.

Boss: Who was they guy.

DW: A tight end.

Me: :::giggles uncontrollably:::

Good thing I was at the other end of the table from my boss and he didn't hear me.

If you ever wondered why I am the way I am...

This is an email I received from my father today. It may explain why my sense of humor is so twisted, and really, why I am such a twisted individual in general.

"Ok, So Halloween has been a favorite holiday of mine since I can remember. I've done some kind of scare or haunted house for over 20 years. It gives me great pleasure to scare kids. Call me twisted but I can't help it. We had a ton of trick or treaters out last night. I like that. In spite of the fact that we had no scare set up, I still made one kid cry. It was towards the end of the night and this chick walks up looking like she'd just crawled off of a bar stool. She's 250 - 300 pounds wearing sweat pants and a flannel shirt. She's smoking a cigarette and has one eye squinting like the smoke is burning her eyes. Her daughter is very overweight. The daughter was around 10 years old. I put a tootsie pop in her little pupmkin bucket and she dropped her arms to her side and said, "Don't you have any chocolate bars?". I look at the mom waiting for her to tell the kid how rude she's being but the mom says nothing. In fact the mom is looking at me as to say, " Well don't you?". I was so pissed off I leaned down and got my face right close to the little girl and said, "Yes, but I'm saving them for the skinny children". She broke into tears. The mother growled, "Come on". They walked away with the little girl crying and mom giving me the eye. If I would've thought about it soon enough, I would've reached in the bucket and taken the candy back and kicked her in her fat little ass. Other than that we had allot of kids and it was fun."

All I can say is good thing I was not an overweight child, or I would probably be twisted and scarred.

Quotable Professor

I've always like to remember quirky little sayings that teachers and professors have said in my classes. During undergrad, I got into a habit of scribbling quotes at the top of my notes as they were said. These blurbs have covered any range of topics from self deprecation to ubiquitous space potatoes. As I have begun to study for my qualifying exams for this fall, I have cracked open some old notebooks (ie. a class from last fall) and was reminded of some of the crazy things that came out of the mouth of an Italian man who taught my DiffEq class.

While telling a story about using the computer to solve diff eqs:
"I have an experience with a grad student-not my grad student, of course...I would have fired him right away."

"This is so much better than buy one, get two. This is buy two, get infinity."

"First derivative, okay. Second derivative, okay. Third derivative, I'm screwed."

"Any more questions before the final torture begins? For today, anyway; I will be torturing you for several weeks."

"It is 5:08 according to my watch. 5:08pm, that is."

When someone asked him to repeat a topic he had just covered:
"I rewrite the same thing, but I don't mind."

"That is the beauty of mathematics-there cannot be two opinions. One of them is wrong."

While preparing us for our mid-term exam:
"You are like camels before I lead you into the desert. Did you drink enough water?"

When he found out there was a Springsteen concert in town that night:
"Bruce Springsteen is in Pittsburgh? What are you doing here?"

"Did I make a mistake? No? Unbelievable!"

"Don't trust computers. NEVER. Trust yourself."

The night after they gave away free shirts for the renaming of the school of engineering:
"Is there a way to get a shirt if we were not able to survive the crowd? Maybe I'll just ask Santa."

That is all for now. I do have a plethora of crazy and funny quotes, and you may see more here as I continue to relearn all the things I've forgotten over the past few years.

Ummm, WTF?

So, interesting website since I've been completely immersed in the land of weddings lately.

http://www.latterdaybride.com/modest_wedding_gowns.php?style=0

If you go to the "long sleeve" category and then go to the second page, there is the "jordan river" style dress....its a MATERNITY dress. Nothing says modest like getting knocked up before your wedding day.

I guess we can't be surprised that a place like this exists in Utah.

That is all for now.

The Life of the Female Engineer

This is from PhD Comics. The first time most people read it, they might not notice the subtle hint that Allison is the only female in the research group. I, however, am "Allison". Welcome to my world.

Forever and For Always

In your heart--I can still hear
a beat for every time you kiss me
And when we're apart,
I know how much you miss me
I can feel your love for me in your heart

And there ain't no way--I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't now way--and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....

'Cause I'm keeping you
forever and for always
We will be together all of our days
Wanna wake up every
morning to your sweet face--always

Thank you Shania Twain for putting in to words how I feel.